Internet insider

목차 (Table of Contents)

• CONTENTS
• Acknowledgments = xii
• read. me. first = 1
• What is the Internet? = 5
• Special Reports
• The Socks Chronicles = 34
• He's fuzzy, he's cute, and he's the only one living at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue with approval ratings in the double digits. He's Socks, the first feline! Follow his wacky she-nanigans and madcap antics in the seven-part saga that is The Socks Chronicles.
• The Internet Report on Russia = 44
• How did a group of American sailors pelting a Japanese sub with potatoes during World War Ⅱ lead to the development of the Internet and the eventual downfall of Soviet Communism? all so clear when the Insider explains things!
• If You Pave It, They will Come = 60
• They're organized, they're dedicated. they're online, and they'll stop at nothing until the entire planet is coated with a seamless shell of perfect black asphalt.
• The Internet Report on Marriage = 88
• Do love and marriage really go together like a horse and carriage? Does "till death do us part" mean the toothpaste cap will always be left off the tube?
• From the Desk of K. Johnson = 94
• Do superstars answer their e-mail? They sure do, and K. Johnson has the proof! Go behind the scenes to read the super-secret private e-mail from Newt Gingrich, Tom Clancy, Roger Ebert, Andrew Tobias, the Amazing Randi and many others.
• The Internet Report on Mexico = 124
• Who are the Zapatistas and why are they prepared to fight and die to topple the ruling class in Mexican politics? Only the Internet(and our special report) brings you the details - straight from the mouths of the Mexican people - of what life Is like under a regime that's held power for nearly seven decades.
• Internet Brings Meaning to Life's Little Moments = 142
• Life's special monents are fleeting, folks online make them eternal by sharing them with the world. Read about the quiet tiomes that come when you least expect them, and rejoice in the details of the mundane.
• Life, Death, the Internet = 206
• Sometimes our most personal monents are easler to deal with if we share them with others. The Internet is a way to reach out to others - anonymously if need be - and make connection over the wires. Find out why writing about it can make a difference.
• Features
• They Call Him Lucky - But He's Not = 17
• Read the sad and shocking tale of the misbegotten guide dog who was anything but man's best friend.
• Santa, Parents Conspire to Deceive Girl with Clone Dog = 18
• Could Santa be conspiring with millions of parents to replace your Chrismas gifts with incredibly similar - but different - simulations? Santa, say it ain't so!
• Spontaneous Combustion = 24
• Discover the most popular sport on the Net : flaming! These vitriolic diatribes prove the Net offers plenty of back-biting, sniping, blind-siding and name-calling for everyone.
• Canadian Love Slaves Devoted to Gemutlichkeit = 32
• Why were millions of Canadian women brainwashed into becoming mindless love slaves with immaculate housekeeping skills? Answer : gemutlichkeit.
• What's Your Takeaway? = 36
• Who are the nerds on the Nerdnosh Story Digest and what are they noshing? Join the good times and great stories around the cyberspace campfire.
• Elvis Sightings = 39
• Was that Elvis pumping gas Poughkeepsie? Surely that wasn't him arm wrestling with Bigfoot in Seattle!
• America's Love Affair with Hate = 51
• If you can't get enough of that O. J. sutff, then the Internet has plenty to offer you.
• Anicent Chinese Secrets Reveal Inner Self = 58
• Only ancient Chinese mysticicm can offer the details of what your birthdate reveals about your personality.
• Amazing Neanderthal Man Discovered = 77
• Things were perfect until he moved in - and then everything went to hell. Is there a Neanderthal living upstairs from you?
• Close Encounters of the Net Kind = 80
• How do the aliens from Zeta Reticuli differ from the space creatures from the Pleiades? Are they our friends or foes? What's going on out there in the desert near Groom Lake? Plenty of folks know, and they're talking, but only on the Net!
• Murphy's Laws of Combat = 93
• War is hell! A hell of a hassle, that is. Read Murphy's Laws of Combat before you're drafted!
• Today's Kook is Tomorrow's Geninus = 118
• Yesterday's "Kook" is tomorrow's visionary. And the Net is crammed with tomorrow's vi-sionaries.
• Are You Good Enough for Birkenstocks = 132
• Not just anyone can wear those famous sandals. Are you man enough to take the Birkenstock challenge?
• Clinton, Gore Stuck in Slow-Moving World-Wide Web = 134
• Vice President Al Gore claims he coined the phrase "information superhighway," and we say let him keep it, Visit Al, Tipper, Socks, Bill, Gilligan and Hillary online, but be patient - downloading those images of Bubba chomping on Big Macs takes longer than you think!
• Doppleg$$\ddot a$$nger Stalks Net in Search of Dupes = 146
• Someone's stalking you and making you look like an idiot. Is anyone safe from the doppleg$$\ddot a$$nger?
• Tempting Treat Takes Top Taste Trophy = 154
• How do you cook a dragon casserole? Very care fully! Julia Child this ain't!
• Bloated Beast Named "Fed" Grows Out of Control = 156
• Fed up with the voracious beast that is the federal government? Then stay away from the Internet. Boondoggles, swindles, superflous services and incompetence abound in Fed-World online. Enjoy!
• Banana Republican Launches Rotten Fruit Campaign = 166
• Banana peels weren't always bio-degradable. Banana Republican Ronald Reagan breaks his mysterious silence.
• Millions Suffer From Angstrom Syndrome = 168
• Nobody loves me. I'm going to go eat worms. Ha. That's nothing. The alt. angst gang makes worm-eaters look like, well, read ahead and find out. At least you're not facing the Halifax Gibbet!
• Boys Will Be Boys on the Net = 176
• Snakes, snails, Puppy dog tails. Okay, fine. But that doesn't explain what compels boys to spit. Explore this and other intriguing questions about boyhood.
• My Secret Shame = 180
• The world is going tabloid, and there's not much you can do about it, so you may as well learn to love it. The Insider shows you how.
• Internet Reveals New Twist on Old Question = 188
• How many Internet tabloid writers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three : one to screw it in, one to e-mail out the details and one to sensationalize it beyond belief.
• The Kool-Aid Cure for the Common Cold = 190
• Sure, cough medicine works, but why? Our correspondent claims that the med is in the red.
• Internet Serves as Modern-Day Babble-On = 192
• Can't fathom the difference between a festering corpuscle and a misaligned drive head? Neither can we!
• Unlocking the Mysteries Behind Rogaine? = 196
• What the heck is Rogaine, anyway? We're not sure, but plenty of people on the Net are convinced they know.
• More Losers Than Winners in Net Spelling Bee! = 200
• Samantha used to cast spells over Darren, and Jethro would sit a spell on the porch with Uncle Jed, but no one spells well at all on the Net.
• Are You a SNAG? = 204
• Are you a sensitive new age guy? Are you a SNAG? It's okay if you are, really.
• Net Cops Mete Out Cyberspace Justice = 212
• The Net Cops are out there, and they're not taking any crap from anyone - including you!
• The Power Tool Rite of Passage = 216
• Owning a home is just the beginning of a rite of passage into manhood that is marked by acquiring a strange and wonderful collection of macho power tools.
• Woman Ages Seven Years While on Hold = 218
• When she started calling, she was a sane, reasonable human being. Seven years later, she was still on hold and she had more questions than answers.
• Twisted Genius Mangles Metaphors, Makes Malapropisms = 220
• Only a twisted genius with a subconcious gift could create the strange and engrossing misstatements that litter the Net.
• In Told You Never to Call Me During Jury Selection! = 223
• Our Etiqutte Guide for the 21st Century explains what Miss Manners will never know.
• Tormenting Telemarketers - A Game You Can Play at Home! = 226
• Sick of being hounded by some guy on the phone trying to self you a time share in Wisconsin? Fight back!
• Spice Up Your Prom with These Wacky Themes = 229
• The Internet is full of suggestions on how to make your prom one to remember forever.
• We've Got Spurs That Jingo-Jangle-Jingo = 230
• Get caught up in the jingoistic frenzy and bash someone with an accent the safe way : online!
• Ever Get the Feeliilg You're Being Watched? = 234
• That's probably because you are! The cyber-spooks are out there and they're keeping tabs on everyone. Join the crypto-anarchist revolution and demand your digital privacy!
• The Truth Behind the Krispie Conspiracy = 240
• What sinister force is polluting our young people's minds and makig them fidget like junkies looking for a fix? Cereal!
• The End is Nigh, The Beast is Anxious for Your Soul = 248
• The Beast shall enslave the earth and place his mark on all. Do you bear the mark already? Will it wash off?
• It's a Conspiracy = 254
• If you're still convinced there's no such thing as a conspiracy, here's the proof that confirms the theory.
• Wacky Kids Speak Secret Code Language = 264
• What's gotten into these wacy kids with their crazy secret code languages and goofy slang?
• Are You A Few Short? = 266
• Are you a few bricks shy of a load? Do you know someone who is a few peas short of a casserole? So do we.
• Couldn't Hear You - I Needed a Fish in my Ear! = 269
• Doctors were baffled by the mysterious patient who spoke only in ridiculous non-sequiturs and responded to practically none of their overtures - untill he stuck a fish in his ear. Well, sort of.
• Is Big Brother Reading Your E-Mail? = 270
• Can you get arrested posting messages on the Net! Read about the perplexing dilemma facing the Secret Service and law enforcement online.
• Departments : The following departments are spread throughout the book. Page numbers are listed for their first appearance only.
• Inside Opinion = 18
• Find out what it all means and see the Net clearly, from a fresh and enlightened perspective via the Inside Opinion. Written exclusively by the top journalists at the Internet Insider, the Inside Opinion is the final word on whatever you might be pondering.
• Ask the Oracle = 20
• It's all knowing, all-seeing and all-powerful, but you can only reach it via e-mail. It's the Usenet Oracle, and it's waiting to answer your every question, but only if you ask nicely! Discover the meaning of life, the universe, and everything via wisdom of the Oracle.
• Net. Speak = 25
• Imagine how tough it must be for 25 million people in dozens of countries to converse via their computers. Don't dismay - just check out Net. Speak for the real meaning behind the latest jargon online.
• List Service = 25
• The facts, and just the facts. List Service will no doubt appeal to hard-core bottom-liners who don't want to waste time on unneeded verbs, adjectives, gerunds, and other such nonsense.
• Life@Large = 27
• Life@Large brings you bit-sized chunks of the politics, customs, rituals, and culture of the Net, serving up a kernel of truth in every offering.
• Bootsie Report = 31
• He's the Walter Winchell of the digital age, and he appears on paper exclusively in the Insider. He's the toast of the Net in such newsgroups as talk. rumors and alt. time-wasters. Find out why Juan Bootsie is the man millions of Net readers turn to for the best gossip, rumor, and innuendo online!
• Net Resources = 38
• Get the straight dope straight from the Net via FTP, e-mail, the World-Wide Web, and more by checking the Net Resources sections.
• Rumor Control = 42
• Drawing on scores of well-placed sources throughout the Net, our Rumor Control staff helps you filter out the gossip and hearsay, casting a knowing light on fantasy and reality alike.